Cheap White Meat Page 4

  Chapter Eight

  Why isn’t he speaking? We’re friends now. He can just jump in and ask me whatever he wants. I even smiled at him but he didn’t respond. Oh wait, I did that yesterday. He might think that it’s part of my act and that he’s got to win my trust again.

  It’s okay. I trust you Jack.

  ‘What’s with the make-up?’

  Well, I definitely didn’t need the blusher; my cheeks have now got enough natural colour in them.

  ‘Do you not like it?’

  ‘It’s your body.’

  But you’re the one who has to look at me Jack. I want you to like what you see.

  ‘Do you want to listen to your radio?’

  ‘It’s up to you. I’m not going to force anything on you.’

  You can force whatever you want on me big boy. Damn, I need to stop thinking about sex. I don’t think I’ve ever been horny before. Well, not like this. In the past I just wanted anyone. It didn’t really matter who, I just wanted to experience it. Feel wanted. See if I could get someone to want me. Someone to want me more than once.

  It was the fact that they were a stranger that turned me on. But this is different. This almost feels like it could happen. No one can see into my room. Of course one of the staff could walk in at any point, but that’s what makes it exciting!

  Can Jack tell I’m thinking about him like that? He looks different today. More serious. Oh great, here it comes. He’s going to let me down gently. Don’t do it gently Jack. Just do it fast and hard. Over in the blink of an eye. It’s okay, it was nice to meet you. I’ll always remember you as the first adult I ever trusted. Liked. Would have liked to have known even better. And not even like that. Just as friends.

  I know you don’t fancy me Jack. I don’t blame you. Believe me, I’m trying today and I’m still nothing to look at. I could have done more in the boobs section, but it’s hard to find clothes that push the good things up and hide the horrible parts. But what if he’s into that? Some men are.

  Disgusting.

  Probably the most degraded I ever felt; having some bloke jiggle my belly up and down for ten minutes before getting me to “smother” him with it. “Fat” should become a word that people are ashamed to say out loud. The harm it’s caused me is probably just as bad as being called the “P” word or the “N” word.

  He’s not shaved today so he looks a bit older. A bit cuter. Even more out of my league. Why couldn’t I have met him on the outside? We’d have been good together. I wonder how he really feels about me. He’s wearing jeans today so it looks like he’s got a semi when he sits down. I wonder how long I can stare at it before he’ll tell me to tell me to stop. But I don’t want to put him off. Freak him out and make him never come back to see me again.

  So what have you got to tell me Jack? Don’t just sit there, mute. That’s what I do.

  ‘I’ve been given some questions to ask you.’

  ‘Don’t tell me. If I answer them then they’ll give you a job here?’

  ‘I want you to do it for yourself, not me.’

  ‘I’m not worth it. How many questions, anyway?’

  ‘Five. To start with.’

  ‘What if I don’t?’

  ‘Then you’ll have to go back to the way things were.’

  And what do you know about “the way things were” Jack? What would you know about feeling so worthless. So useless. So horrible and disgusting that you actually looked up online for ways to commit suicide.

  But my internet access is monitored. So they put me under 24 hour surveillance. And then they found out the reason why I wanted to end it all. Or I think they have. It would be interesting to know how much they know. So what’s question one?

  Jack looks proper nervous. Like he doesn’t want to know the answers. Come on Jack, man up; you’d never make it as a copper. But then it’s not Jack’s fault. He’s not been trained to deal with this situation.

  ‘Where did you meet him?’

  ‘He was the delivery driver for this takeaway on the road into town.’

  ‘Which one?’

  ‘The one it probably says on file.’

  ‘Megabites?’

  I nod. I don’t want to say the name. It isn’t fair that I’ve got to go all the way back to the beginning. It’s over with. Why am I the one who is being punished? I can’t be in that much danger otherwise they’d have moved me on again. I don’t have the same accent as Jack, or anyone else around here. Don’t want it either. It’s naff.

  ‘Did he tell you his name?’

  ‘Adam.’

  Jack doesn’t believe me. It doesn’t fit into the stereotype that he’s already got fixed inside his head. And I’d hate to know what he thinks about me now. He’s probably looking at me and wondering how many potions of chicken nuggets I had down at the takeaway to get the size I am now.

  ‘It’s quite a trek to Megabites from here, and there are other takeaways on the way, why that one?’

  Don’t make me say it Jack. Please. Don’t make me say “Twenty chicken nuggets for two pounds.” I know I’m disgusting. I don’t need reminding.

  Chapter Nine

  I shouldn’t have answered Jack’s questions. Now they’re all in the office talking about me. What happened to me or at least the start of it.

  But it’s not Jack’s fault. He’s on my side. The only one who is. He won’t make me look bad. Although there isn’t really any way he could make what I’ve just told him sound positive.

  I hope he’s got a good memory as well. He wasn’t making any notes so he’ll only be able to tell them what he remembers. But then he could have been secretly recording our conversation. He could have been recording all of our conversations, even the silence from yesterday. But he wouldn’t do that. Not my Jack. Still, it’s something worth bearing in mind. I could always strip search him next time he comes into my room.

  Because there will be a next time. I told him something today. But it’s not enough. I told him something that could probably convict one man. What about the other eight?

  That makes me feel like a slag.

  The next man I sleep with will be the 10th. And I’m not even sixteen. Or had any proper satisfaction from it.

  I’m not a total idiot. Honestly. They only called me “Chicken Nugget” because that’s what I ate all the time. My replacement for pasta. And I was so proud when I finished the first box all by myself. There wasn’t anything else behind being called “Chicken Nugget”, or at least I thought there wasn’t until Jack’s face changed. He thinks it means something else.

  Cheap White Meat.

  But then I was cheap. £20 a go. Well, that’s how much I got. I never asked Adam if he took a fee for his trouble.

  Adam. The one who used me, apparently. Well, Jack thinks he did. And I can’t upset Jack. I’ve started this now. I’ve got to finish it.

  Jack might think that he didn’t show any anger when I explained to him what happened to me, but I noticed the subtle change in him. His normally eyes dart around the room but they stayed fixed on me. It didn’t scare me. I’ve grown to like his eyes. They’re a sort of bluey/grey. But that’s not important. What is important is what happened to me. How to prove it and how to stop it happening again to some other vulnerable child.

  I think that might be why they want me to talk about it. Even though I don’t care that it happened to me, there might be other girls who are in the same position who feel like they’ve got no one to turn to. They might not have a Jack. A person they can trust. A person who will make everything okay again and give them a purpose in life.

  But I don’t know when I’ll see him again. For how long they’ll keep asking him questions. And what they’ll want him to ask me next. But can Jack handle it all? He’s not been paid for the last two days and he might have somewhere else to go during the week. I hope not. I need him here with me.
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  Although, how do I ask for him? I still can’t talk to Gillian. And if she insists on being in the room then I won’t be able to talk to Jack. I don’t want her to know what happened to me. I don’t want her to judge me. Although it’s her fault.

  She was my Key Worker when it happened and it only took place when it was her shift. I’d already started going out when she first came to work here but she didn’t give me a curfew. The Others had them. Maybe she thought that if she gave me some trust and respect then she’d be helping me.

  Well, she was wrong.

  What kind of person doesn’t do anything when a teenager with known mental health problems starts staying out until midnight and gets dropped off all the time by the same “taxi”?

  Jack tried to pull me when I told him that Adam drove a taxi, but I told him he had two jobs. Jack could understand that. I also told him he doesn’t have a driving licence though and Jack said, “That goes without saying.”

  He’s definitely racist.

  But is he any worse than Gillian? Gillian who let a vulnerable child who was in her care fall into the hands of a sexual predator. What was she doing whilst I was out for hours on end? The Others all have their own Key Workers, or Occupational Therapists, whatever it is they prefer to put on their C.V.’s, on site, 24 hours a day. There are also nurses, psychiatrists and various teacher type people who visit almost daily. And a staff room that gets a lot of use. So she can’t exactly claim that she was needed elsewhere. If something serious happens they have other staff on call that can get here, within minutes sometimes.

  Maybe that’s why Gillian wasn’t keen on telling them, the police, too much. She didn’t prompt me. She didn’t even try to get me to acknowledge any of their questions. She just sat there whilst Dan tried the impossible and attempted to get me to talk. Maybe she knows that if my situation is looked into in too much detail that they’ll find out that she was being neglectful.

  Even though I was fifteen, I clearly wasn’t able to look after myself. To make my own decisions. I’m still not. Look at the way I’ve clung on to Jack. He’s probably not even that great. Just in the right place at the right time. Wearing the right pair of sunglasses.

  Jack. The one person who can sort this whole mess out.

  Jack. The one person who can provide enough evidence to get Gillian the sack. I might not like her but I don’t want her to be sacked. They’d only send in the complete opposite. Someone else who made my life a complete misery. Someone who’d watch my every move and remind me what a dirty little scrubber I am. I’ve already got one of those waiting to come back on shift later this week to watch me abuse myself again.

  But then does Gillian deserve to keep her job? Job. That’s probably all this is to her. Her shift pattern is three days on and three days off. That’s because it’s supposed to be so intensive. I bet was she gutted that Adam disappeared when Megabites closed without any notice; I’ve had no reason to go out since.

  She used to revel in telling me how she let her hair down when her three days off fell over the weekend. Well, I hope this has been the weekend from hell for her; because that’s all my life is going to be for the foreseeable future. Especially when I’ve got to tell anybody who thinks they need to know what happened.

  But what about my privacy? From what Jack said it seems like I wasn’t Adam’s only “victim”. Or maybe Adam isn’t the main one in all this. I was just his way into the party. Maybe he was having a feast with some of his friends and they all had to bring some “Cheap White Meat”; so Adam brought his “Chicken Nugget”.

  I need to go outside because being cooped up in here is doing my head in. But if I go outside then I’ll have questions to answer. I could take Jack but I’ve got a feeling that he won’t be around for much longer. Gillian looked really pleased when he got me to start talking. I’ll turn that smile upside down when I tell Jack it’s all her fault. That she’s let me down. I’ve changed my mind actually. She’s the one where the blame lies and who should be brought to account.

  Chapter Ten

  Jack’s not let me go out into the big wide world. Instead, he’s let me out into my enclosure. I’m saying its Jack’s choice but I know deep down that he’s not in charge. The Others aren’t happy about it but they only wanted to be outside because I did. Jack’s also got some kind of recording devise so we’ve got to go back to the beginning. I’ve got a feeling this is going to become a pattern because it’s what happened with Mum. Saying it once was never enough. I had to go over it repeatedly, in case I’d forgotten anything. More like in case I was lying through my back teeth and I’d slip up, by making some subtle change to my story. But I never made one tiny change, I knew it verbatim. I still do. I even almost believe it myself now.

  Jack pauses the recording when I start blaming Gillian.

  ‘Why have you done that?’

  ‘Gillian’s on your side, you know?’

  So? She let me down. I bet she couldn’t believe her luck when she found out she’d be “supporting” me. All she’s had to do for the last few months is talk at me whenever I happened to be “home” and that’s counted as her “doing her job”. And Gillian talks without thinking. No wonder she hasn’t quit like the rest. Easy money.

  But then maybe I took advantage of that. I could tell deep down that Gillian just wanted the easy life, so I let her have it. So where’s the harm? We both got what we wanted. But this isn’t about someone slacking on any old job. This is about that person slacking on a job that led to someone becoming a victim of child prostitution.

  Jack thinks that I was targeted because I live in care. However, I never told Adam I lived in care, but I never told I didn’t. He knew I didn’t go to school because I was getting the dinnertime special and would stay in Megabites for hours sometimes. Just watching. The world go by. People coming and going. Trying to see if I could learn a new language. I could pick up on certain words but I was never quite certain what they meant.

  I suppose I was waiting for someone to reach out to me. And that someone who got there first was Adam. One of the people coming and going. He saw me walking home one night and beeped his horn at me, but I just ignored him and carried on. A couple of nights later the same thing happened. I didn’t really think anything of it. After all, he was the delivery driver for Megabites and I was walking down the main road, so he had a reason for being there.

  Anyway, he offered me a lift. As he wasn’t a complete stranger I thought it’d be okay. And it was. The first time at least. He didn’t do anything. Just asked me where I was going so I gave him some vague directions. That was all we said to each other.

  So it became a regular thing. I’d even end up waiting for him so I could get a lift home. I’d never ask him but he’d just open his passenger door and in I’d get. Because he knew where to take me we didn’t have to speak at all some nights.

  The first time that Gillian saw him drop me off she thought it was suspicious. I suppose Adam could tell then I didn’t live in “normal” circumstances, but he never mentioned it and I liked that. He was the first person who didn’t change the way he behaved towards me when he realised that there wasn’t something quite right about me. On the other hand, maybe that was when he realised my full potential.

  When Gillian had seen him drop me off a couple of times she became used to it and even reasoned that it was safer that I used the same taxi, someone who I could trust.

  And I did trust Adam. It was nice knowing that there was someone looking out for me. All sorts of down and out Resource Consumers used to drag their knuckles into Megabites to spend their benefits in there, but if they gave me any hassle then the staff would look after their “Chicken Nugget”.

  Adam never called me that but he added the “red cheeks” to “Rosie”. I don’t know if Adam was his real name. It might have been the name on his passport, but he’d always say “Best to have more than one nam
e, in case question asked.”

  I suppose I have a tendency to cling to people once I feel like I can trust them. I’m not from round here so I don’t know the area and I certainly don’t have any friends to go places with. So when Adam asked me if I wanted to go for a drive one night, before dropping me off home, it was literally the best offer I’d ever had. It was already dark so it wasn’t like there was much to see, but I didn’t mind.

  Adam pulled over into a lay-by near some woods. I knew then something was going to happen, but, again, I didn’t mind. When he kissed me I didn’t try to stop him. When he put his hand on my breast I unzipped my trackie top for him. When he unzipped his pants he didn’t have to say anything or pull me closer towards him. I just got on with it. I suppose you could say I was a natural at the job.

  Jack looks mad.

  Mad that I could have been so stupid. Naïve. But maybe it’s just me, the way I am. If I was in the same position with Jack then I’d do the same thing. But he wouldn’t want me. Adam’s almost old enough to be my granddad. He has to take what he can get. But Jack looks like he can get whichever girl he wants.

  I want to stop. I’ve said enough for tonight. But Jack wants more. He needs more. He needs to hear about the rest. The other eight. They weren’t all as old as Adam, but I don’t think any of them were born in England. Coincidence? Probably. Significant? Definitely; if you’re Jack.

  He’s starting to scare me a bit actually. He’s definitely here for a reason. He’s not doing his “good Samaritan” act to help society. He’s here to make sure that a certain group of people are removed from the streets.

  So whose side am I on?

  After all, I think I’m technically the victim. The victim of twenty-three accounts of statutory rape. Four with Adam, which I was never paid for, and nineteen at £20 a time with some of his specially selected “friends”.

  However, proving it was them will be the hard part. The part I’m not looking forward to. But then maybe I was under investigation from the police. Although I don’t know what evidence they’d be able to gather. I think they all used the main entrance to Megabites and then when upstairs the back way. It’s the way I went. There was a load of flats upstairs above it, with a separate entrance to the flats from the street. But Adam used to say that someone as special as me deserved to use the “special” entrance.